I was very thankful for Steve’s help that day and I told him so. He had taken charge, rolling up his pants to wade through the cold murky rivers testing depth and guiding the way. The other guys had all worked extremely hard too, constantly moving large boulders from our path, digging in the dirt, placing waffle boards where land was needed to cross but was missing due to erosion. We were all exhausted and cold. James still had wet feet despite changing his socks three times. Gavin’s face was still red from yelling at limpets to get off our cars. I was still shocked by what only I had seen. It had been a very intense and slow moving day as we had crept through the riverbed at a rate of 6km/hr.

I sipped sweet mint tea from a tiny clear glasses laced with gold. Our grumbling stomachs were sedated with the usual starters, Morocco’s famous tomato and lentil soup (Harira) which I LOVE and a salad that reminded me of the toppings of bruschetta. The main course was always a surprise, and never disappointed. Instead of ordering from a menu, we were served whatever dish had been prepared for the day. The mystery was always revealed with the removal of the large conical lid from a colorful mosaic tajine. Beneath a cloud of steam were large chunks of lamb, green peas, and potatoes with five eggs over easy simmering in a stew of saffron.

I was relieved we had made the decision to drive in the dark to spend the night in Imichil; a small town elevated 2119 meters in the Atlas Mountains. Alternatively, we would have camped at the 2700m pass with no protection from the blistery cold wind. The road down the mountain was narrow and winding, disappearing into the night. I begged Tom to drive slowly. We passed the same Spanish cyclists again as they peddled through the night. We met them that morning and they had warned us that the river washed out the road we planned to take. “You can cross it, but it will be very hard work!” They certainly had been right about that! What they didn’t warn us of, was the small tribe that had been hiding, waiting to attack!

“I can’t believe those guys didn’t warn us about the little limpdicks!” I exclaimed, reaching for seconds.

I think Jim must have choked on whatever he was chewing, someone spewed mint tea from their lips, and all the guys stared at me blankly, totally bewildered by my outburst.

“What?” I asked, “I didn’t start it, Dave has been calling the kids limpdicks all day.” An incident that I found quite surprising given Dave’s proper English upbringing.

“I can’t believe they showed you guys their little penises too!” I blurted out a little too loud.

“Kelly, I called them limpets, not limpdicks!?” Dave said. “And I didn’t see any penises thank god. What the hell are you talking about?”

“Huh?? Limpets? Why limpets? What’s a limpet?” I was very confused.

He explained that a limpet is sea creature that suctions and sticks to things under the sea, the same way the annoying village kids clung tenaciously to our cars all day.

“Limpets, not limpdicks Kelly!” we all had a good laugh at my expense.

“Ahhhhhh!” I finally got it.

I blushed, only slightly embarrassed and told the guys about the limpdicks I had unfortunately encountered that day …
~~~
They had pounced on us early, sneaking out of the woods when we were most vulnerable. Their tiny mouths sucked on our windows and screeched “BONBON! BONBON!”, meaning candy in French. Their fists pounded on the windows and the hood of our cars. There was no chance to escape them, the terrain was too rocky making us slow moving easy targets.

Maverick was the first to come under limpet attack. Thanks to the side step, they gained height and were just able to reach their grubby little hands into their car through the sunroof. Up close, they had a devious gleam in their eye, and we all knew they were up to no good. Team “Unhindged” was quite afraid being completely exposed in topless Dora.

Moments later Honey Badger came under attack by five daring limpets that had successfully climbed onto the roof. They stomped on the roof dancing and hollering. I watched them through the sunroof window, they were crazy.  We tried our best, but couldn’t shake them. Their grip was strong.

Occasionally the limpets pretended to be nice by moving a stone from our path. But it was not out of the kindness of their hearts, they demanded bonbons in return. The truth is we had no bonbons to share. I wish we did as I was craving sweets myself with all the bonbon talk.

Thomas was the only one that understood a little of what they had to say, a mix of French and Arabic. When they realized he understood their broken French, they kept talking and talking …

In the limpets defense, they are victims of tourism. Others that had driven this track before us had conditioned their behavior and expectations. The day before, we witnessed a woman with a license plate from Poland throw handfuls of candy at a group of small children as they drove by. Real smart polock! “Thanks for the treat stupid!” Honey Badger growled. We all agreed this behavior was disgusting. Not only did they not bother to stop their cars and attempt to connect with the local children, who throws candy out the window? And if you want to throw something out the window, how about a tooth brush or something they actually need!? We heard this has been happening for years, hence the creation of limpets.

And it is not that we are kid haters or would  have even minded given the little guys a ride somewhere, but it was dangerous having five kids riding on your roof, not to mention that they actually broke our roof rack in the process!

The riverbed was challenging requiring concentration to avoid sharp rocks and strategically place stones along the way. The kids were a challenge of their own, one that we did not know how to overcome. They stuck with us the entire day. Tom tried a new tactic of turning on the back windshield wipers to remove two clinging to the hatch.  They cackled with pleasure as if they enjoyed getting sprayed with wiper fluid.

Gavin gave in and brokered a deal with the head limpet. “I will give you this pen if you promise to go away and take all your little friends with you.” I could have told Gavin no way could a limpets cannot be trusted.  Instead, he attracted the rest of their clan who begged for their own pen … “but you gave HIM one!” they whined.

We all breathed a sigh of relief seeing them huddled together in defeat stuck on the edge of a steep bank. The river we had crossed was wide and rapid, surely they wouldn’t dare. We hoped they would retreat. But as always they found a way.

I began to accept their coexistence, but others still put up a fight. James continued to peel limpets off Maverick, I laughed watching them suction back on the minute he turned his back. Gavin stood his ground protecting Sand Doom, warding them off with a shovel. “KEEP BACK! DO NOT GET ON THE CARS!!!!” he growled. They took a few steps back, then laughed.

The ring leader (aka “the mean boy”) riled his troops. There was the quiet limpet that did whatever the mean boy told him. There was the whiner with puppy dog eyes who annoyed me. There was a charming limpet that wore a white headband and a sweet smile. There was the older limpet that did a terrible job of controlling the younger ones. The soccer-loving limpet wore a bright red Massi jersey and begged for a soccer ball in between bonbons. I really did wish I had thought to bring a soccer ball for him.

Despite the annoyances and hardships of the rocky riverbed, the route was quite beautiful and I found the offroading heaps of fun!!

The day got harder when Tom made a grave mistake of stealing a kiss from me inside the car, not knowing a limpet was spying close by. He ran away howling with laughter, informing the other limpets as to what he saw. My status dropped dramatically in the limpet world. From then on, limpets approached me with a wink, raised their eyebrows suggestively, made kissing faces, told me they love me, and then to my disbelief … they starting showing me their tiny limp penises! Thank god they were limp at least, but COME ON!  Seriously?? Their behavior was an insight into a culture very different than my own. Children mimic what they see around them no matter where in the world they may live. I felt for the women of Morocco, they have it harder than most I am afraid.

I asked the limpets once, where are your sisters and the little girls from the village. “At home!” they said, looking at me like I was crazy for asking.

At first I could easily ignore them, but when five limpets got too close and were “mwah mwah mwahing” at me and reaching for their zippers I had enough! “Thomas” I screamed, “get these kids away from me!” My usually calm boyfriend apparently had also had enough He grabbed the mean boy, threw him over his shoulder, ran to the river and dunked him head first in the water.

Mean boy limpet didn’t learn a lesson. Later I would see him wagging a giant stick at me held between his legs.

“And that is why I called them limpdicks!” I concluded.

The guys just shook their head in disbelief having been completely oblivious to my hardships.

We talked about how not all Moroccan kids are limpets.  In fact we would come to realize that those who lived in the poorest villages and needed the most never asked. In the next few days we would drive further into the mountains and encounter some of the nicest peopl in the Berber villages along the way.

We were all impressed with the teenage boy who came running from his Berber village to help us. His timing was crucial, as it was getting dark and we feared we would be spending the night amongst the limpets. He dug into the earth with a pickax he carried in his backpack and showed us a quicker way. He never asked for bonbons and seemed sincerely happy to just help. Several of the guys rewarded him for his help with pens, spare tools, and money.

With his help we finally completed the MH1 route! We managed to only progress 60km that day.

The limpets bid us farewell by throwing stones at Amani. Amani, as it means, said “Peace out” limpets!

We hope they enjoyed their long walk home.

To see more photos of Day 4 of the Dakhla Challenge along MH1 CLICK HERE

The five daring 4×4 teams and their vehicle
Honey Badgers (car named Honey Badger) – 1989 Toyota 4-Runner (Kelly and Tom)
Amani (meaning peace in Swahili) – 1995 Land Rover Defender (Jim & Dave)
Cheap as Chips (car named Emma but always called Maverick) – Ford Maverick (Gordon & James)
Unhinged (car named Dora) 1980 topless Land Rover (Steve & Dougie)
Sand Doom – 1997 Suzuki Vitara soft top (Gavin & Durand)

Gavin and Durand of Sand Doom led the way consulting a small laptop mounted to the dash equipped with Garmin GPS map system. They entered waypoints into the GPS  found in Chris Scott’s Sahara Overland roadbook and looked for key markers as vague as “turn left after the third camel!”

As we headed south, the fertile valleys of the north turned to shades of red and browns.

We drove on tarmac from Ifrane to Midelt then turned right onto an unmarked gravel, the start of route MH1.

The route started out flat but we quickly ascended into the High Atlas Mountains.

We reached a pass of sorts where we encountered two guys hearding sheep who asked us for cigarettes and clothes.

As we continued, the path narrowed and to the right was a steep drop off , visible far below was a small Berber village. The village children  had spotted us and with eager excitement their tiny figures ran up the hills.

We started to descend and our paths eventually met. This was the first of many experiences to come with children begging for “bon bon (candy)” and “stylos (pens)”. We were quite startled by their persistence and aggression as five children jumped onto a moving Maverick refusing to let go.

After the village we came to another steep incline. Honey Badger made it over the top without a problem as he is pretty bad ass.

So did Dora trailed by billowing black smoke.

Amani had troubles rising to the ocassion in the Defender, the third time was finally the charm! I think the extra push they needed was to hear our warnings that “QUICK! The children are coming again!”

We were only halfway through the MH1 when we began to run out of light and decided to look for somewhere to camp.

We ventured into a dry riverbed and hoped there would be no rain during the night. At the time, we had no idea the entire next day would be spent in another riverbed …

To see more photos of Day 3 of the Dakhla Challenge CLICK HERE.

Barry aka “Uncle Bazza” returned with a smile, announcing to the group he had negotiated a group discount for our ferry tickets. He was quickly emerging as the leader of our ragtag convoy, and I was glad for it. We were a wild group, and someone needed to rein us in. Being older and a distinguished Englishman Barry fit the part, and I hoped would also deem respect from Moroccan authorities.

This rally was on Barry’s bucket list, and his two sons had agreed to help him check it off by driving “Piglet”, an old Ford Fiesta, across Morocco. Eight of the ten teams were from the UK, three teams of which were twenty-something English lads, highly energetic in their 2WD cars “Marco the Polo” , “B23” and “Scrappage Scheme Survivors”. Team Budgie Smugglers had a forth passenger aboard, a life size cardboard cutout of a WWF wrestler.

Patrick and Chris of “Team Bullet” had traveled the farthest from snowy Sweden in a Saab 9000. Tom and I were the most random pair it seemed, explaining Tom is Swiss, I am American, and we met in Australia.

The cars were all quite shit in their own way, decorated in random flare. Honey Badger’s best quotes adorned the 4-Runner and a talking badger doll rode on the dash.

“Dora” the old topless Land Rover driven by team “Unhinged” quickly became my favorite. Brothers Steve and Dougie arrived freshly showered after driving Dora through pelting rain in Spain.

Team Two Spanners overslept having drank too much the night before and missed the ferry, no one would see them again until Dakhla. The team with the only other woman departed a day before the other teams, and never reunited with our group, making me the only 4×4 chic on the rally! I don’t think the boys minded … did you guys???

We had briefly met everyone the night before departure at the hotel in Tarifa. “Maverick” arrived late after having major fuel problems delaying them in Madrid. After seeing Gordon & Jame’s quick fix to a fuel line leak, I knew they were a determined team. All teams had some last minute repairs. With the help of Jim of Amani (a father and son team) Tom finally found the source of the terrible screeching noise that occurred when Honey Badger went over 3000 RPM. The fan belt needed to be tightened.

Many of the guys are engineers, which I was thankful for. I have a long sorted history with engineers … a love/hate relationship really. I have come to accept the fact that I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them! An engineer’s brain operates entirely differently than my creative and often illogical thought process. This has and still does make mutual understanding between an engineer and myself quite difficult at times. I flunked calculus, as theories do not work with me. You can tell me the logic behind a theory a hundred times and it will never stick until I figure it out on my own through experience. In general, I have found that an opposing engineer actually compliments me and vice versa as together we have the perfect brain and balance each other nicely! I appreciate how different Thomas and I are, I am glad he knows how to do all the thing I don’t and happy he has info stored in his brain that I don’t have space for in mine! And he appreciates my more outgoing personality, and leans on me in social situations saying I am his “ice breaker”. As they say … opposites attract!

For a challenge like this, with the likelihood of mechanical problems and situations requiring intense problem solving, I said the more engineers the better! Thomas proved his ingenuity the first night, when he creatively “macgyvered” our gas cooker with cable ties to fit the too large gas canister that we purchased by mistake. He simply said, “I can fix it”, as he often does, and I never have a doubt that he will indeed find a solution no matter how big the problem.  Now if only I can get him to understand how my brain works …

Neither Thomas or I had done any previous research or planning for the rally, as always we just figure things out as we go and it seems things just happen as they should. It wasn’t until each individual team joined a sub-team (4WD or 2WD) to discuss routes did we actually crack open our Michelin map of Morocco. A few teams had highlighted routes in neon orange and pink as potential offroad routes as suggested in Chris Scott’s Sahara Overland book. It is said this book is the “bible” for overland trips in the Sahara region. Unlike us, Gavin and Durand of team “Sand Doom” had spent alot of time reading this book appeared to be the most prepared and knowledgable. I would come to trust  and like them both very much. Together the 4×4 group formulated a loose route plan for our offroad adventures. It was decided that the entire gang would stick together for the first two days until we reached Fes and then we we go our separate routes, the 4×4 attempting to drive on as little tarmac as possible all the way to Dakhla.

On April 8, 2012, we loaded our vehicles onto the ferry and after a short ride across the straight of Gibraltar, we arrived on the continent of Africa.

Rock of Gilbraltar

Our arrival port of Ceuta is technically still Spain so we had to cross the border overland, a tiresome process taking almost three hours. I sat in the car while Tom dealt with immigration. I laughed hearing two local guys discussing “what is a Honey Badger?”, as they tried to make sense of the stickers posted all over our car.

We waited for all teams to get clearance and then we were on our way!

While driving through the town of Tetouan, we all took a wrong turn and our large convoy found ourselves driving through a crazy busy market in the town center. It was a white knuckle experience as each car dodged pedestrians who showed no fear in brushing against your car as they slowly walked in the path of oncoming traffic!

We camped the first night in Chefchaouen. The custom made bed we built inside Honey Badger was quite comfortable thanks to the baby bed mattresses we bought at IKEA. Thomas and I laughed remembering the sales lady’s eyes lighting up when we told her we needed to buy three baby bed mattresses. I can only imagine how different my life would be with three babies!! I am guessing I certainly wouldn’t be offroading through Africa!

On day two of the challenge, we all went our separate ways during the day and met in the evening at a campsite outside of Fes. Several teams still needed to secure Moroccan auto insurance, “Cheap as Chips” needed to buy a replacement fuel hose for Maverick, and I wanted to get lost in the medina in Fes.

As we headed south, I was surprised by the how green northern Morocco is! I had expected more arid terrain, but would come to realize soon that Morocco has an amazingly diverse terrain. Mountains, sea, and desert!

Thomas and I arrived at Fes’ medina early evening as the sun was setting over the foothills of the Atlas Mountains. We didn’t have a lot of time to explore, but we were able to visit the world’s oldest tannery which dates back to the 11th century. I could have wandered the narrow alleys of the medina for days, slowly unearthing hidden treasures and overloading my senses with each turn. The ancient medina hasn’t changed since medevil times and it has a way of transporting you back to its origin immediately upon entry.

All teams survived the first few days with only a few minor complications …  one overheated Land Rover that only needed a short break and the Peugeot’s exhaust pipe fell off, but was creatively reattached. Our CB radio didn’t work, which was a bummer as I had planned to provide entertainment with the talking honey badger doll and perhaps a song or two. Probably a blessing in disguise for the other teams; however, not having a CB to communicate with the others would prove inconvenient down the road.

Our crazy offroad adventures to come next!

NO SENSE, NO MONEY, NO WORRIES!!!

To see photos from Day 1-2 (Tarifa, Spain to Fez, Morocco) CLICK HERE.

I have been told I am the only American woman to have participated in an offroad rally through these parts, perhaps ever!

The wind is blowing strong here in Dakhla, and the fun is just beginning as we now get to kitesurf for weeks in a beautiful lagoon surrounded by Sahara sand dunes! Photos and stories to come …

The Dakhla Challenge is a 5000 km off-road rally of clunkers starting in Plymouth England, traversing Morocco to the finish line in the windy city of Dakhla in Western Sahara … with the goal to use as little tarmac as possible, the more inappropriate the car the better.

When Thomas forwarded me an email about the Dakhla Challenge , explaining that it was his dream to do an off-road rally like this “one day”, he didn’t expect my immediate response to be “LET’S DO IT THIS YEAR!” He was shocked by my enthusiasm at first, forgetting momentarily he was dating “by the seat of my skirt” who is always up for an adventure and has been dying to set foot on Africa! We both enjoy offroading and actually met while doing independent offroad/camping adventures through the Australian outback in 2010. A few months ago I had no idea I would be sleeping under the stars in the middle of nowhere in the Sahara. I love letting opportunities unfold on their own instead of planning, the more serendipitous the better.

Our team name is Honey Badgers, as we deem ourselves fearless in our pursuit for adventure!

In the event you have been living under a rock the past year and are asking yourself “what is a honey badger” …

THIS is the honey badger … the most fearless creature in the animal kingdom. It’s pretty bad ass, isn’t it?

Honey Badger is a fearless 1989 4Runner 4×4 with 245,000 km. He smells like an animal, and cigarettes too. He makes strange growling noises, and screeched loudly after 3000 RPMs the entire journey from Switzerland to Spain. Thomas fixed the screeching by tightening the fan belt. The growling we quite like … get out of our way! GRRRRRRR VROOM VROOM!!

This is not an organized/supported event, nor is it intended for the faint at heart. There are 15 teams participating under the “good Samaritan” theme of helping one another along the way. Of the 33 participants, I am one of two females. We were all given a copy of Chris Scotts “Sahara Overland” which is to be “our bible” both of which I have not read cover to cover. The motto of the rally is: No money, No Sense, No Worries!

The group will split into two, the 4×4 group taking the tougher off-road routes. It is suggested to only spend $500 USD on a vehicle, so having a mechanically inclined teammate is key. Thomas will be filling that role, as well as the making sure we don’t get lost as I am, um a little directionally challenged at times.

In the end the car will be sold at a charity auction in Dakhla and we will both fly back to Europe, but of course that ticket has yet to be purchased!

Most people prepare well in advance for such an endeavor. But not us, Team Honey Badgers are going to Africa by the seat of our skirt/pants (we are also both amazingly great procrastinators!) We signed up for the rally four months ago, thought about the fact that there will be lots to do to prepare, but never actually began our preparations until last week! We had read the emails from other teams for months as they test-drove their cars, bought CB radios and spare parts. We should have been doing the same, but instead we were off playing in the snow. We contemplated seeking sponsorship for the rally, but in the end didn’t bother as it just felt like too much work and was taking the fun out of the adventure.

We secured Honey Badger only three weeks ago on an online auction for $1100 Francs. Also included inside were 8 spare tires (2 are coming with us, the other 6 our on our balcony at home), and a mysterious box of random parts. Inside was a new starter motor and exhaust pipe. We wondered why and brought it along in case it needs to be replaced along the way. We figure once we sell the extra 6 tires and parts, the cost of the car will actually be $500 or less.

This past weekend we finally began our preparations. The first task was to build a bed into the back of the 4Runner for the obvious purpose of sleeping (we also have a tent) but also to provide extra storage space that is hidden from eyesight. Both are massive kitesurfing bags fit nicely under the bed, along with the 50L of water we are bringing. We also have pieces of carpet to help us get out of the sand when we get stuck (I don’t think IF is a possibility, it is a guarantee). It was also recommended to bring gardening gloves versus a shovel to dig san out from around sunken tires. We have a GPS, CB radio, tools, gas stove, medical kit, water purifying tablets, spare parts and fluids etc… We hope we haven’t forgotten anything important!

I quite enjoyed ripping out the back seats and working with power tools again.

I also had to learn how to drive a manual transmission, well sort of! I think it is best that Thomas do all city driving that might involve quick starts and stopping and starting on hills! But what funner way to improve my manual transmission driving skills than offroading in the desert?

Naturally we got a late start on our departure due to last minute necessities to be secured. We drove along the Mediterranean coast of France and Spain. The drive through was unreal. I could live here, I thought over and over. The weather grew warmer in southern Spain, making the ride without air conditioning a bit uncomfortable, but was nothing compared to what we will experience in the desert.

We arrived in Tarifa, Spain after 30-hours of nonstop driving and met up with the other participants at the hotel. I was disappointed and Thomas was happy to learn that our Honey Badger t-shirts I ordered did not deliver to the hotel. We did spend some time decorating Honey Badger with his most famous quotes.

Last night the group divided to discuss possible routes, we opened our crisp map of Morocco for the first time. “Is there a specific route you guys want to take?” asked one of the participants. We explained that we hadn’t actually looked at the route options and are flexible, the more challenging the adventure, the better for us. The group seems easy going and while we spent some time accessing routes, we decided to drink beers together instead of planning the details of the trip. I was happy about this because A) I love beer and B) I absolutely hate planning!

The Dakhla Challenge participants at a glance seem to be quite the eclectic group, one guy intends to try to waterski with carpet tiles while wearing a cow costume, and I wonder when team Budgie Smugglers will bust out into costume?

We did decide on a short-term plan to take the morning ferry across the straight of Gibraltar to Morocco … today! The rest is unknown, and exciting, and will surely make for an amazing adventure!

So you think we are crazy to attempt to drive a clunker across the Sahara? HONEY BADGER DON’T CARE!

No Money, No Sense, No Worries!

Follow our Dakhla Challenge Route, that will update daily thanks to SPOT GPS tracker and the script Thomas wrote that links our coordinates to the map in real time.

You can also follow my tweets @seatofmyskirt and the entire rally group will be tweeting under #dakhlachallenge

To see more photos of Honey Badger CLICK HERE!